Why Dating Sucks

Dating is one of the worst things I've ever had to do. I have been single for an entire year now and it is truly awful. I haven't even really been looking for a man, yet it seems like everyone else is looking for me. I have had regulars at work who tell me they want to set me up with their son, or brother; Which surprisingly happens more than actually being hit on. Older men telling you that you are too pretty to be single, the endless list of perks to working in a sports bar. Even my family is trying to hook me up with their friends kids and grandkids. It seems like everyone is concerned about me finding a boyfriend, except me. Is this single adult life? Is this all I have to look forward to until I find a new boyfriend?

Last night I binge-watched the entire first season of You on Netflix. This show alone is reason enough to be terrified of dating. This show is accurate in many ways when it comes to dating. There are many men who will hide things about themselves when you initially begin dating and then will proceed to reveal these things later in the relationship, after you're thinking you love this person. Thanks for that one, boys.

Let me back up, though. Finding a boy to date is hard enough, as is. My options are incredibly limited considering I go to a school with a population of ~300, mostly consisting of women and gays. Helpful for many other scenarios, but not this one. I work at a bar. Potentially datable boys rarely walk into a bar, I can guarantee that. So, as you can see my dating pool is incredibly small.

Now, you're probably thinking, 'just download Tinder like everyone else, you weirdo'. Okay, but here's the thing. I am genuinely terrified of online dating because of creepy men. Which is me finally getting to my point in this post. I am terrified to date. Because of the fact that things like You can, and do, actually happen. More often than we would like to admit as a society, for whatever reason. You truly never know what you're getting yourself into in a relationship. This is the world we live in nowadays. 

But, who said I even need a boyfriend?

I am not really looking to be in a relationship. My mom raised me to learn to be single and be happy. There is no reason that I need to be with someone every second of every day. I need to learn to be on my own and to be able to take care of myself and make myself happy. Relying on others can often lead to unhappiness and general heartbreak. This is not to say I am some cranky cat lady. I dream about the day I will be in a committed, loving relationship again. I just will not settle for anything less. I think if you are not completely smitten with someone within the first time you hang out with them, you just won't have feelings for them. And I am willing to wait for that "spark", that connection. I truly am passionate about believing that there has to be a spark and there has to be an initial connection for anything to last between two people. I just haven't had that in a while. 

I also believe that all women in their early twenties should spend some time on their own. I think it is a really important time for us when it comes to growing and becoming who we are meant to be. I have grown so much over the past year, more than I think I have over the past five years of my life. Self reflection and self investment is important to realizing who you are and who you want to become. Who I was a year ago wanted completely different things compared to what I want now, and I'm a million times happier. Who knows, maybe I'm just a late bloomer, but I truly feel that this has been a peak year for me. I have finally become an adult and I have finally started become who I am meant to be. I don't want girls believing that they need men to succeed in life. This is the first time I have been single in over five years, and it is the best I have ever felt. 

Putting yourself, your education, and your future ahead of you AND your partners future is incredibly important. Relationships expire, degrees don't. And when that relationship you have put all your effort into does expire (I am not hoping your relationship fails, I'm just talking metaphorically. Please don't hate me) what will you have to fall back on? I hope that you are spending as much time on you as you are your relationship. You are not your relationship status. You are not your relationship. Enjoy being single, enjoy being taken. Just make sure you are working towards YOUR best self, not your relationship's best self. Because sometimes those are very different things.

Again, if you are happily in a relationship, don't let this effect it. Keep doing what you're doing if you're happy.

Me outside the British Museum
taken by my best friend.

This picture is symbolic of my relationship status because my relationship status is, in a relationship with me. I am exploring the world, I am eating foods I love, I am doing what I love. I have great friends to do these things with and that's all that matters to me. 



XOXO Ken

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