What's Next for Me?

Hi, hope you're well. This post is just a rant of feelings and things going on in my life right now. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to offer advice to others based on my own life experiences. I want to help people achieve their dreams and realize that they can do literally anything they want, if they are willing to apply themselves. But, recently, I have been having a really hard time figuring out what is going to come next for me. Graduation is less than eight weeks away (I'm ecstatic, yet terrified) and I don't have a single clue where I am going to go after graduation.

I know I have some time and nothing is making me move right now, but I feel that if I don't now, I never will. I have always wanted to move to London and I completely fell in love with the city while I was there. With that being said, it is so far away from my family. So far that it is making me second guess my decision. I want to move and I know there is nothing good for me here, but I don't know if I am ready to leave my family. I don't know what to do, so I think I'm going to write my way through it. 

My potential move out date would be around September or October of this year. If I do decide to go through with this. I know this small town is no good for me and if I don't leave I will end up unhappy and being a server for the rest of my life, which is fine, but not what I want for myself. I want to do bigger and better things, making a difference in people's lives. That's why this blog is so important to me as well. 

I am nervous I will not be able to find a job in London, but I know that is just an excuse because it would be nearly impossible to not find a job in London. I don't want to struggle with finding a place to live from nearly 5,000 miles away and the potential that it will not go as planned. But, the real fear is leaving behind my family.

I want to be there for my sister as she starts her next chapter in life, and I want to support my mom in her new career. This year has been monumental for us all as individuals; My sister is graduating high school, my mom is graduating from technical school with a surgical technician degree, and I am graduating with my Bachelor's degree. All in the next eight to ten weeks. 

Also, will I be able to be so far from Disney World? I know that is such a first world problem, but I love driving to Orlando for the day and just walking around Disney Springs, or going to Universal's City Walk. I know the only reason I even like them is because it is almost reminiscent of city life, but still! I do love Disney almost more than London (even if I have been literally a million times in my life, I'm not sure I'm ready to part with Space Mountain).

And obviously, if I do decide to stay, I will be finding an apartment of my own, or with some roommates. I cannot live with my family any longer, I need the freedom of being alone to some degree, whether I move across the world or not. That is a definite regardless of where I end up.

I am so torn between doing what is good for me, and postponing it to be with my family longer. This will postpone literally everything in my life. I know I will never find a partner that is good for me, I will never find a job that I genuinely enjoy, I will never get to explore the world like I want to. I know putting it off will end up with me staying here forever. 

I have considered moving to a closer city, like Atlanta, or even Tampa/St. Pete. But, I know that I really won't be totally happy. I have been dreaming of London since I was 15, my friends from high school can recall me talking about it even then. I feel like I was meant to be in London.

I really don't know what to do. I am so conflicted between what I love and who I love. I hope to be able to write my way through this and keep updating about my decisions and the process involved in moving or staying or what not. If you can offer any advice, literally anything please help, leave a comment because I would love to hear it.

Cheers to the rest of our lives.



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